Author Topic: I would like your opinion (Read 10737 times)

Dane Kiet · « **on:** March 14, 2008, 11:59:31 PM »

This is not just advertisement, I want some serious feed-back on this story. It's one I am writing, so i want it to be good. And yes, this first chapter is short, but I am making the next one bigger.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4045386/1/The_Dreamer_Part_One_The_Boy
Please read and review here. Also, if you want, I can post sections of work-in-progress for review.
Oh, and I am putting it here because I feel you will not hold back any punches.

Isamu · « **Reply #1 on:** March 15, 2008, 02:23:26 AM »

besides changing the words used when cursing very good. send me the links of everyone you finish!!!

aNaRcHiSt44 · « **Reply #2 on:** March 15, 2008, 05:38:39 AM »

I see a very epic, detailed and well written story. I hope to see further from you, Dane Kiet. You have managed to arouse my curiosity.

Dane Kiet · « **Reply #3 on:** March 15, 2008, 08:42:00 AM »

Quote from: Isamu on March 15, 2008, 02:23:26 AM

besides changing the words used when cursing very good. send me the links of everyone you finish!!!

I fully intend to use those, and more words, like them (read the Author's Note). But, c'mon, you can't say anything more...... constructive? I find it hard to believe it has no other problems.

Isamu · « **Reply #4 on:** March 15, 2008, 06:12:32 PM »

i meant like the words they use when cursing. you don't hear shit used, you hear like sithspawn or something along those lines.

Dane Kiet · « **Reply #5 on:** March 15, 2008, 07:34:35 PM »

As i said, read the Author's Note.

aNaRcHiSt44 · « **Reply #6 on:** March 15, 2008, 08:47:27 PM »

Personally, I prefer not having swearing. Most modern fantasies use substitutes that give their stories a more 'epic' and fantastical feel to them, for example; In the Wheel of Time, characters emphasize their emotions and distaste through words such as "Light!" or "Burn me!" or "Bloody!" and even "Burn you!", and they are implemented very well.

Scarecrow63 · « **Reply #7 on:** March 15, 2008, 08:56:35 PM »

Or in BSG they always say 'frack'

Dane Kiet · « **Reply #8 on:** March 15, 2008, 08:59:36 PM »

I love BSG, but I have to keep the curses with this fic. Bartosz, Dane, and Derrick all come from Earth. I'll leave it at that for now...

aNaRcHiSt44 · « **Reply #9 on:** March 15, 2008, 09:03:52 PM »

Yeah-Earthians (lol I love the slang) love using single words for insults-how does calling someone an 'arsehole' compare to calling them an egotistical selfish moron? Common people are so un-inventive.....they provide no challenge for us.

Dane Kiet · « **Reply #10 on:** March 15, 2008, 09:39:13 PM »

Dane hasn't had the chance to insult anyone yet, so you have no idea what lines I'll be giving him in the future.

Oh, and any suggestions on how to describe what battle meditation feels like?

Isamu · « **Reply #11 on:** March 16, 2008, 01:34:21 AM »

it should feel like the energy and concentration of a fight flows around you with you at the center for starters?

aNaRcHiSt44 · « **Reply #12 on:** March 17, 2008, 05:30:12 AM »

I cannot say....
Though I think your best bet is what Isamu suggests.

Dane Kiet · « **Reply #13 on:** March 18, 2008, 07:27:08 PM »

Two more things:
First, should I stick to canon Revan?
And second, what color lightsaber should Dane get?

Isamu · « **Reply #14 on:** March 18, 2008, 09:27:06 PM »

obviously you should stick to canon revan. dane should have a silver lightsaber.

aNaRcHiSt44 · « **Reply #15 on:** March 20, 2008, 05:17:10 AM »

Dane can have whatever lightsaber you prefer; you shouldnt ask us for our opinion; what if it led to us giving you a really bad idea then you go through with it? Your text would become a disaster.

Dane Kiet · « **Reply #16 on:** March 20, 2008, 03:48:57 PM »

I would like a little support with these answers. And I never said that I would actually use your suggestions. Oh, and sliver is out. Derrick will be getting that.

Isamu · « **Reply #17 on:** March 20, 2008, 06:03:48 PM »

what about a black lightsaber? that would be cool.

strike23 · « **Reply #18 on:** March 20, 2008, 06:48:13 PM »

Quote from: Isamu on March 20, 2008, 06:03:48 PM

what about a black lightsaber? that would be cool.

that would be cool but lightsabers are made of light, light cant be black. but you could ignore that fact...

Isamu · « **Reply #19 on:** March 20, 2008, 09:00:49 PM »

it could be some real bad ass sith lightsaber

Author Topic: I would like your opinion (Read 10737 times)

aNaRcHiSt44

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strike23